The alphabet of healing
An A to Z guide to healing after the death of a child
Always be good to yourself.
Only you can heal you, so it’s very important that you be good to yourself and take care of your body, mind and spirit. You’re the driver on this journey, drive carefully, but keep driving by being good to yourself.
Believe in your courage and your power.
Courage you have. Testament to that is that you’re reaching out for help by reading this. Believe in your courage and it can guide you to good
places where you can use the power of your commitment to help yourself feel better.
Constantly reach out for ways to heal.
There are many ways and places to find avenues for your healing. Through books, support groups, friends, family, asking for help and being in the moment, healing can happen at any time if you allow it to happen
Do what’s best for you.
To regain your footing, grieve and heal in ways that work best for you. Others may try to steer you down the path they want you to take, but always take the path that feels right to you, regardless of what others want. Listen to your heart. As long as you're not self abusing or abusing others, you're doing fine.
Express yourself in positive ways.
There are positive ways and negative ways to let out your pain. How you do that will determine your healing habits which will create your healing comfort zone. Grieve positively and you can heal and find your smile and meaning again. Grieve negatively and life will be more difficult for you and those who love you.
Fight for the life of your child.
Your child is much more than just their body. Your pain is deepest because of the loss of their physical presence, but your child can still
live through your memories, their life force and your love. Death can never take those three things from you. Don’t let death take all.
Give yourself time and Give yourself credit.
This is a molasses in winter journey, be patient with your healing. It’s slow but it does move forward if you do your work. Don’t expect your grief to ever completely leave you. After all, it tells you how much you love your child. Grief will never end because love will never end. At times, look back on your journey to see how far you’ve come. Give yourself credit for the work you’ve done and the healing you’ve found.
Heal at your pace, regardless of what others may expect.
“Are you over it,” is what others may think and say? Pay no attention to them. This is your journey to be walked at your pace. There is no logical conclusion or finish line to your process. Do it at your speed as you move further down your path. Be true to yourself.
It’s okay to feel anything you want to feel.
No matter how scary or frightening your emotions are in the beginning, it’s okay to feel ALL of them. Let them in, express them in positive ways and the negative ones can leave you. If they linger and become your comfort zone, reach out for help.
Jump into a healing life with both feet.
The deep end of the pool may be scary, but for healing to begin, you must jump in with both feet and learn how to swim. Full commitment to your healing can see your return to a happier life where you can find your smile again. Move towards your deep grief, not away from your deep grief.
Keep on truckin’.
Keep your petal to the metal and never stop searching for ways to heal. You may have failures and setbacks (those are normal) and your engine may stop working for a while, but to heal your heart, pop the hood, crank your engine back up and throw yourself into forward gear.
Let the love for your child keep you moving ahead.
It’s in your love where you’ll find your greatest healing. There is no past tense to love. The love you have, you will always have. The love they give, they will always give. Love is the Super Bowl of healing. Love is the cause and the cure of your deep grief.
Make the decision to heal.
Healing is a decision. Just like not to heal is a decision. Your broken heart will not mend, your smile will not return until you say, “I want to feel better and I am determined to make that happen.” Once that comes to your life, there will be no stopping you.
Never ever, ever, ever, ever give up.
Read that again. Winners never quit and quitters never win. Your life will be difficult, no way around that. If you give up on yourself, it will remain difficult. If you never give up, and I mean never give up on yourself, good things can come to your life in many ways.
Occasionally get away from your grief work.
It’s also okay not to grieve and to get away from your work for a while. Taking a break and having fun doesn’t mean you’re forgetting or letting your child go. It means their life is returning to your life in positive ways. Express your healing by experiencing the many good things life has to offer. You won’t be leaving your child behind, you’ll be taking them with you.
Patiently, but persistently push yourself.
There may come a time when you plateau in your journey and you’ll wonder if your healing has stopped. It has not stopped, but maybe your
expectations set you up for failure because you think you should be further along in your journey. Drop your expectations of being at a certain place at a
certain time and keep pushing forward.
QXZ – No, you’re not going crazy, you’re grieving.
Just like these letters don’t make sense, your life won’t make sense for a long time and you might feel like you’re going crazy. Your life is in a blender switched on high while you’re working through the most difficult journey you’ve ever begun. Keep doing your work and the blender will slow down and eventually stop. Life can make sense again.
Realize that it’s okay to heal.
It’s okay to feel better. Losing your pain doesn’t mean you’re losing your love or forgetting the person who died. Guilt is a destructive force with
no upside. It’s absolutely okay to heal, it’s absolutely okay to smile; that’s what the life of your loved one is telling you…….listen to them.
Stay on track, stay positive, stay strong.
Don’t let deep grief win. It wants you down and thinking negative, “I can’t do this” thoughts. Give deep grief the boot by telling it, “I am strong, I can do this,” and keep your eyes on the prize which is the return of a happier, healthier life.
Touch the lives of others through your healing.
You get when you give. You can’t give your love directly to your child anymore, but you still have all of it. Give that love away by helping others through volunteering, writing, speaking or just holding another bereaved parent’s hand. Give away your healing by giving away your love.
Understand that your journey is survivable.
Look to other bereaved people further ahead on their path. Learn from them, listen to their healing stories and believe that you too can someday tell your healing story as well. This is a survivable journey where good things can come from the tragedy of your loved one’s death through your giving. Sounds impossible I know, but it can be true. Keep working.
Victory can be yours.
As you do your work, you’ll experience large and small victories along the way. Embrace them all, absorb them all and use them as a shield against your pain and suffering. Your ultimate victory will come when you think of your child and smile much more than you cry.
Windows of opportunity
Healing is possible every day if you pay attention to the opportunities that come your way. It may be a butterfly, it may be a song, it may be a memory or a feeling of hope. HOPE – Healing Opportunities are Possible Everyday. Keep opening windows.
Yesterday, today and tomorrow
If you find yourself living in the yesterday’s of your horrible pain, it will be difficult to move forward. You’ll forever visit those days, but try not to live there for long. If you live in the yesterday's of wonderful memories combined with your love, life can get better. Today is where memories are made. Today is where you can find ways to smile and be grateful. Tomorrow is unpredictable. No one knows what the new day will bring. If you pay attention to this moment and search for the healing in it, you can find it. Right here, right now is where you’ll do your best work.
An A to Z guide to healing after the death of a child
Always be good to yourself.
Only you can heal you, so it’s very important that you be good to yourself and take care of your body, mind and spirit. You’re the driver on this journey, drive carefully, but keep driving by being good to yourself.
Believe in your courage and your power.
Courage you have. Testament to that is that you’re reaching out for help by reading this. Believe in your courage and it can guide you to good
places where you can use the power of your commitment to help yourself feel better.
Constantly reach out for ways to heal.
There are many ways and places to find avenues for your healing. Through books, support groups, friends, family, asking for help and being in the moment, healing can happen at any time if you allow it to happen
Do what’s best for you.
To regain your footing, grieve and heal in ways that work best for you. Others may try to steer you down the path they want you to take, but always take the path that feels right to you, regardless of what others want. Listen to your heart. As long as you're not self abusing or abusing others, you're doing fine.
Express yourself in positive ways.
There are positive ways and negative ways to let out your pain. How you do that will determine your healing habits which will create your healing comfort zone. Grieve positively and you can heal and find your smile and meaning again. Grieve negatively and life will be more difficult for you and those who love you.
Fight for the life of your child.
Your child is much more than just their body. Your pain is deepest because of the loss of their physical presence, but your child can still
live through your memories, their life force and your love. Death can never take those three things from you. Don’t let death take all.
Give yourself time and Give yourself credit.
This is a molasses in winter journey, be patient with your healing. It’s slow but it does move forward if you do your work. Don’t expect your grief to ever completely leave you. After all, it tells you how much you love your child. Grief will never end because love will never end. At times, look back on your journey to see how far you’ve come. Give yourself credit for the work you’ve done and the healing you’ve found.
Heal at your pace, regardless of what others may expect.
“Are you over it,” is what others may think and say? Pay no attention to them. This is your journey to be walked at your pace. There is no logical conclusion or finish line to your process. Do it at your speed as you move further down your path. Be true to yourself.
It’s okay to feel anything you want to feel.
No matter how scary or frightening your emotions are in the beginning, it’s okay to feel ALL of them. Let them in, express them in positive ways and the negative ones can leave you. If they linger and become your comfort zone, reach out for help.
Jump into a healing life with both feet.
The deep end of the pool may be scary, but for healing to begin, you must jump in with both feet and learn how to swim. Full commitment to your healing can see your return to a happier life where you can find your smile again. Move towards your deep grief, not away from your deep grief.
Keep on truckin’.
Keep your petal to the metal and never stop searching for ways to heal. You may have failures and setbacks (those are normal) and your engine may stop working for a while, but to heal your heart, pop the hood, crank your engine back up and throw yourself into forward gear.
Let the love for your child keep you moving ahead.
It’s in your love where you’ll find your greatest healing. There is no past tense to love. The love you have, you will always have. The love they give, they will always give. Love is the Super Bowl of healing. Love is the cause and the cure of your deep grief.
Make the decision to heal.
Healing is a decision. Just like not to heal is a decision. Your broken heart will not mend, your smile will not return until you say, “I want to feel better and I am determined to make that happen.” Once that comes to your life, there will be no stopping you.
Never ever, ever, ever, ever give up.
Read that again. Winners never quit and quitters never win. Your life will be difficult, no way around that. If you give up on yourself, it will remain difficult. If you never give up, and I mean never give up on yourself, good things can come to your life in many ways.
Occasionally get away from your grief work.
It’s also okay not to grieve and to get away from your work for a while. Taking a break and having fun doesn’t mean you’re forgetting or letting your child go. It means their life is returning to your life in positive ways. Express your healing by experiencing the many good things life has to offer. You won’t be leaving your child behind, you’ll be taking them with you.
Patiently, but persistently push yourself.
There may come a time when you plateau in your journey and you’ll wonder if your healing has stopped. It has not stopped, but maybe your
expectations set you up for failure because you think you should be further along in your journey. Drop your expectations of being at a certain place at a
certain time and keep pushing forward.
QXZ – No, you’re not going crazy, you’re grieving.
Just like these letters don’t make sense, your life won’t make sense for a long time and you might feel like you’re going crazy. Your life is in a blender switched on high while you’re working through the most difficult journey you’ve ever begun. Keep doing your work and the blender will slow down and eventually stop. Life can make sense again.
Realize that it’s okay to heal.
It’s okay to feel better. Losing your pain doesn’t mean you’re losing your love or forgetting the person who died. Guilt is a destructive force with
no upside. It’s absolutely okay to heal, it’s absolutely okay to smile; that’s what the life of your loved one is telling you…….listen to them.
Stay on track, stay positive, stay strong.
Don’t let deep grief win. It wants you down and thinking negative, “I can’t do this” thoughts. Give deep grief the boot by telling it, “I am strong, I can do this,” and keep your eyes on the prize which is the return of a happier, healthier life.
Touch the lives of others through your healing.
You get when you give. You can’t give your love directly to your child anymore, but you still have all of it. Give that love away by helping others through volunteering, writing, speaking or just holding another bereaved parent’s hand. Give away your healing by giving away your love.
Understand that your journey is survivable.
Look to other bereaved people further ahead on their path. Learn from them, listen to their healing stories and believe that you too can someday tell your healing story as well. This is a survivable journey where good things can come from the tragedy of your loved one’s death through your giving. Sounds impossible I know, but it can be true. Keep working.
Victory can be yours.
As you do your work, you’ll experience large and small victories along the way. Embrace them all, absorb them all and use them as a shield against your pain and suffering. Your ultimate victory will come when you think of your child and smile much more than you cry.
Windows of opportunity
Healing is possible every day if you pay attention to the opportunities that come your way. It may be a butterfly, it may be a song, it may be a memory or a feeling of hope. HOPE – Healing Opportunities are Possible Everyday. Keep opening windows.
Yesterday, today and tomorrow
If you find yourself living in the yesterday’s of your horrible pain, it will be difficult to move forward. You’ll forever visit those days, but try not to live there for long. If you live in the yesterday's of wonderful memories combined with your love, life can get better. Today is where memories are made. Today is where you can find ways to smile and be grateful. Tomorrow is unpredictable. No one knows what the new day will bring. If you pay attention to this moment and search for the healing in it, you can find it. Right here, right now is where you’ll do your best work.